FSC’s Entry In Mental Floss Magazine’s Ridiculous Sport Contest

Welcome to the exciting world of Team Bobbing. Combining the athleticism of bobbing for apples with the aesthetic appeal of Double Dare, this sport can be played by professionals as well as amateurs, and I’m going to detail both levels of play. Pay particular attention to the amateur level, it’s easy to set up at home for you and your friends.

Amateur Level of Play

Here’s what you need: a kiddie pool, enough of some liquid to fill it (I recommend something dark and goopy), a dozen or more small objects of your choosing (I recommend something random like harmonicas), possibly goggles.

The players: two or more teams of two or more people.

The set up: Fill the kiddie pool with the liquid. Then drop in the small objects, stirring the liquid so that the objects are evenly disbursed throughout the pool. Each player chooses a spot to kneel by the pool.

The play: There is a count down from 3 to 1, at which point the referee yells “Bob!” When the ref yells that, all players dunk their heads and hands into the pool looking for the dozen or more small objects. This continues for 5 minutes or until all the small objects are collected from the pool. Repeat this set up and play 5 times. The team with the most objects at the end wins.

Comments: This game allows players to get dirty, compete against each other, and recreate the fun of bobbing for apples. Because the players get to choose the liquid and objects, the combinations are endless: beer coasters in beer, McDonald’s toys in McDonald’s orange drink, etc. And if you don’t think that this will burn calories, try holding your breath five times in a row for intervals of five minutes each while dunking your head and scrambling around with your arms. You’ll work up a sweat, but you probably won’t notice it because you’re covered in Kool Aid, etc.

Pro Level of Play: Pro Team Bobbing League (PTBL)

What will be used: 10 large tanks, 10 different kinds of liquid, ten sets of two dozen different small objects. Possibly goggles.

The players: Two teams of ten people each.

The set up: Each tank is filled with a different liquid and seeded with a different object. One player from each team is sent into each tank.

The play: Each tank is used once during the game, and each pairing of opponents in a tank is called a match. At the beginning of each match, the ref yells “1, 2, 3 BOB!” When the ref yells this, each player begins dunking himself or herself in the liquid and attempts to gather as many of the objects as possible in ten minutes, or until all the objects are gone. The player that finds the most objects wins the match; in the case of a tie, the match is replayed. The team that wins the most matches wins the game. If there is a tie, the team with the most objects overall wins. In the case of a tied number of objects, there will be another match between one player from each team chosen by the opposing team. Twenty-three of the last objects used will be put into the last tank used with the last liquid used. The winner of this match is the winner of the game.

Logistics: The home team constructs the tanks, but the visiting team selects which matches are played in which tanks. The home team gets to determine the liquid in each tank, but the visiting team gets to chose objects that will be found.

Franchises: I picture a league that is spread out over the original major league baseball territory, i.e., the north east. No teams south of the Potomac or west of the Mississippi. So we’re looking at two divisions with five teams in each. In the Sticky Division will have teams in Boston, New York, Philadelphia, Washington, and Pittsburgh. The Slippery Division will have teams in Chicago, St. Louis, Cleveland, Cincinnati, and Detroit.

Schedule: All of the teams play each other twice during the regular season – games will be played on Tuesday and Thursday nights during the summer – and two teams from each division make the playoffs. The two teams from each division play each other, and then the winners play against one another for the PTBL Cup.

Arenas: I envision smallish arenas, 1000-2000 people each.

Commentary: This is sport is going to storm the nation. It will be messy, exciting and capitalizes on existing geographic rivalries. Plus there’s a low start up cost, relative to other pro sports, and is ready made for TV. If you’re interested in getting in on the ground floor of this exciting professional sporting opportunity, contact me at fringesportscentral@yahoo.com. Be the owner of a pro sports franchise in an up and coming league.