Grab Your Crotch and Point Your Lance – Unicycling News and Results

In the wake of Floyd Landis ruining two-wheeled biking for everyone else comes the final results of Unicon XIII, the thirteenth World Unicycling Championship. FSC has reported on a few of the events in the past, but until the other day the results from some of the most important events had been missing. Among those were the results from unicycle hockey, which was won by the Swiss Power Team (good name for a gold medal team), and unicycle basketball, which was won – again – by the Swiss Power Team (which apparently is quite the power team indeed).

But the unicycling event that everyone cares the most about, FSC included, is the mountain unicycling downhill event (Muni). Honestly, I was a little disappointed that John Foss – the greatest American unicyclist and arguably the best in the world too – didn’t win. He didn’t do badly, by any means. He finished third, about 5 and a half seconds out of first. The winner? Roger Davies, from the UK, who had a ridiculously good Unicon, not only winning the Muni but also the marathon as well. And yes, by marathon I mean 26+ miles (the unicycle one is technically a little longer than the standard marathon). Davies managed to finish it in 1 hour, 44 minutes.

Really, though, the marathon results are somewhat diminished by the fact that very few Kenyans own unicycles. Come back in ten years and the top rider is from Nairobi, winning the race in less time than it takes to listen to an old Toto album.

Even though Unicon XIII is over, that doesn’t mean you can’t take the lessons of Unicon with you the whole year through. It’s like Christmas – you just need to remember the Unicon spirit and live it each and everyday. A few recommendations:

• A video featuring some cool Muni moves and some cooler Muni falls. Check out the way a lot of riders appear to grab their crotches. It’s unclear to me if they’re actually grabbing the unicycle seat in an effort to improve their balance or if they are legitimately attempting to shield their cojones from a Muni-induced accident.
• A gallery of unicycle jousting pictures. I know what you’re thinking: “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” Fair enough. But look at these pictures and tell me you’re not a little interested in trying it out. You can’t tell me that. And if nothing else, check out the last picture in the gallery – nothing like a unicycle lance to the groin for some cheap, guaranteed laughs.
• Seriously, you’ve got to check out the Unicyclist Forum. It’s filled with the friendliest people in the world, all of whom are incredibly dedicated to their sport and are more than happy to answer questions, help out and attract new fans. Ideally, every fringe sport community would be like the unicycling community there.